“Lord, I Need You”

Lord, I come, I confess, Bowing here I find my rest
Without You I fall apart, You’re the One that guides my heart

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You
Every hour I need You
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need You

Where sin runs deep Your grace is more
Where grace is found is where You are
Where You are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

So teach my song to rise to You
When temptation comes my way
When I cannot stand I’ll fall on You
Jesus, You’re my hope and stay

(Chris Tomlin)

Where do I find my rest? Do I rely on TV or video games? Books or conferences? How about retreats? What do I do in the times where none of those options are available? Why is ministry so draining some days?  Just when I think I can’t take any more and am bowing beneath pressures and burdens more gets piled on.  Surely there must be reprieve for the saints of God!

Then, I hear this song and close my eyes to soak in truth. That there is a different type of bowing I can do — one where I surrender all to God and in doing that I actually do find rest.  Clarity comes to my current experience and I realize that I think I am barely holding it together when in reality God is holding me together. I thought I had been the one just taking one step at a time moving forward as I can when really it’s God who is guiding my heart, my steps, my way.

Lord, it’s true.  I need You — every moment, every day, when accusers come from outside and from within, You defend me by cloaking in me in Your undeniable, unassailable righteousness. Sin continues to hound me and haunt me but Your grace is stronger than any sin seeking to bind me. When I fail Your grace is there to gather, free and restore.

So Lord, in those moments when my heart is broken and life is dark, when no words are able to rise from my lips never mind a tune, will You teach me Your song to sing in thanksgiving. Temptations of all sorts may come my way and I feel unsure, unstable and unable, Lord, I fall on You.  In You and You alone can I find hope.  On You and You alone can I find sure footing to stand.

This week has been incredibly tough and filled with a constant barrage both in my personal and professional life. The band Extreme once wrote a song with the lyrics, “Stop the world, I want to get off.”  That has definitely been my week/month. Yet in the swirl of darkness that seeks to consume my joy and hope, I get brilliant break throughs of light and miracles reminding me of God’s ever faithful presence. From a person committed to suicide then changing their mind to choose life. From a woman who has been abused her whole life telling me she in our church because she knows she is loved here. Seeing my wife blossom in her faith and care-giving as her family is in massive crisis. To a stranger on Twitter being encouraged because some weird pastor in Canada reached out to let her know she is loved.  To a coach who encouraged me to reach out to others even though I thought I was needy because I craved connection. (I’m not. It’s not uncommon for someone to desire connectivity with others ?)  Each step is a reminder that God not only sees and hears us but moves to meet our hearts to give us what we need. It’s when we reach out to others and need them more than we reach for God that we get into trouble. Expectations are prepaid resentments and so when we expect others to meet our needs we set ourselves and others up for disappointment. When we reach out to the Lord he never fails — His steadfast love is sure.

Lord, I need You, oh, I need You

Every day, every hour, every minutes, moment, every breath.